fireflies
sms " i miss my family".
poor Jared. it's another week before he can come home. sigh.
well, i don't mean to preach here but i've really gotta say this.
it doesn't help to keep saying that you miss your family, when you spend ur entire weekend clubbing and sleeping instead of interacting with your family my dear.
time is something we can never keep the hold on to.
cherish every moment by spending quality time with your loved ones.
oh well. Jared can spend this Valentine's Day in camp watching fireflies alone.
stuck in the small lil island off the shores of Changi. cheers boy!
i'll love to be there. watch fireflies too. i've never seen them before!
but of coz, throw in a few close friends, open grill and ice cold booze. that'll be lovely.
this Valentine's? will be spending it with Michele.
just like how we did it 2 years back.
it's time to rekindle the fire!
hey girl, thanks for everything you've done for me all these years.
having you supporting me along the way, picking me up when i fall is everything i can ever ask for in a best friend. love ya lots angel!
heh... Joshua? i love that boy. he's very important to me.
but i won't be spending V-day with him =p
i see him everyday, and that's all that matters.
those short lunches we have, the times we spend in the car going to school, chatting on the phone, going home together. being there for each other basically.
and i can't do without his physical touch either!
his soft wet kiss. the perfect morning pick-me-up.
ironic how it seems. when he's far away from me, i miss him alot.
but when he is right beside me, i will take it out on him and be mean.
when i sleep, i want to snuggle beside him.
but i don't want to listen to his lame jokes.
well... we can't have everything, can we?
i miss my family. especially my Dad.
if i ever get another chance to live after death, i will wanna be his daughter all over again.
my Dad is humourous and silly. but he sure dotes me lots. he gives me the best he can provide.
he's more than a Daddy. he's also my best friend. my teacher. my working partner.
my Mum? i'm her first priority. i remember after the bad break-up with the bastard,
i was hurt so badly, refusing to eat and all. she flew down from Thailand just to be with me.
she's my motivation to work harder so she'll have a better life later on.
though my parents are divorced, i still love and respect them all the same.
i really wish that we can reunite as a whole family someday.
i really love the both of you. of coz, i love Grandma too! can't do without Grandma!
but for now, i am happy with my fireflies.
i cannot hold them. i have to let them fly freely.
but i know they will be around me, never wondering off too far.
they're like little fairy lights. bringing sparks of joy and warmth to the dark lonely nite.
thank you Gabriel, Jared, Benny, Alan, Lin Chang, Andy, Isaac.
as much as i alwiz bitch about Benny. he's nice, helpful and sincere. and i appreciate that.
Gabriel... he's alwiz been around.
for the good, the bad, the bitching, the wailing...
under-appreciated 'nice' guy. hugs!
Elaine and Michele? they are not fireflies.
they're my precious prawn fry and Cheesecake!
drug
felt like i was drugged for the whole of Sunday.
woke up weak and lethargic. symptoms of being ill.
flopped back into bed after lunch. woke up 2 hrs later and still felt drowsy.
don't know what's wrong. feels very exhausted. i jus crave for my bed and sleep.
not a good sign, coz i normally don't sleep alot.
but my sleeping patterns rather regular,
any disruption means that i'll get really cranky.
tried doing Irving's reading on Main Puteri, Shamanism in Kelantan.
fell asleep halfway.
got a Malay wedding a few blocks away. golly... they've been singing since 10am.
the worst part: they hired bad singers that it's making a terrible din rather than communicating love and joy through their songs. but still, it's far better compared to yesterday where i had a bloody renovation work 3 storeys down. they were hacking down the walla and window grills.
i felt that i was being hacked apart, and my sanity split into half....
met Don last nite for dinner and drinks.
okay, we had escargots baked in button mushrooms. really good i must admit.
gotta bring Elaine there someday. they have pretty good pasta too. yay!
then headed to Menotti's for a glass of Bubbly with passionfruit ice cream after realizing that Harry's Bar at Esplanade was packed to the brim. apparently there was a performance by the bay last nite. walking into Harry's Bar made me felt transported through time, into a old pub in England, with a local band playing in the background. not my kinda place for chilling out.
hang around at Menotti's for a long time.
caught up about friends and family. latest marriages among who's who.
talked abt his data-mining job and lousy pay at HSBC.
bitched abt Stephen Keck and his Sporean wife who was apparently his ex-student.
Lockhart has 8 cats at home. one fat furry de-clawed nasty Persian. hahah.
Peleggi used to have a tall Sri Lankan girlfriend. so now we know he's not gay.
abt his ostenstatiously colored clothes, MP thinks he's very fashionable. God help him.
DuBois have many Jap girlfriend-s. i stress the S behind.
Don's not dating. it's been... 5 yrs he abstained from relationships.
he doesn't need affection or emotional attachment to anyone.
he no longer keeps his snapping turtle coz it bit his Mum.
on the other hand, his cousin Danny who's 30 is still having hell of a time.
Danny's current gf is a SQ girl. stays on-off over at his place.
when she's not ard, Danny's ex-gf comes over.
well, we can only say that Danny's maid is well trained to hide stuff and keep things 'in order'.
Christina's doing RCIA Journey 53 at my OLPS church. welcome to Catholicism.
chilling out with him reminds me of old times. when i was in JC2. that's how long we've known each other. staying out late, talking about everything and enjoying the intellectual sparring.
well, as much as he's got a very bad temprement, and a bad judgement of people.
he's a great mentor. very engaging academically. and very demanding. kudus to Don!
thanks for everything! (minus Clifton and the last 2 years of Cold War).
felt that Josh and i have been drifting apart lately.
guess it happens. nothing to talk about, nothing to do together, nothing common.
i really wonder why we got together in the first place... this is a retrospective opinion.
maybe it was really a bad mistake coz we didn't even know each other really well then.
prolly a heavy dose of infatuation. prolly i was just lonely then.
i'm currently enjoying lotsa freedom, privacy and time for myself.
he's having ample time to catch up with school and spend time at home.
therefore, why still be together? what's love to beign with?
when we're together, there's not much to talk about.
we just walk around in the malls, watch people... wasting time bumming basically.
i don't need a bf to watch movie, go lunch or play with me.
why are we still together?
are we staying together for the sake of staying together?
so many questions. zero answers. okay. maybe i don't wanna know either.
what's with lao ah-peks and me?
damn annoying! everytime i go out, even if i'm decently dressed in t-shirt and jeans.
i get stared by lao ah-peks! they'll be analyzing me from head to toe!
then again, ah peks ogle at any female. anyone with 2 boobs, smooth hair and hour-glass figure gets 'admired'. age doesn't matter here. ever observed sleazy lao ah-peks and aunties who promote Tiger Beer at coffee shops? you get what i mean, yah?
why doesn't Michele get starred by salivating lao ah-peks?! not fair!!!
just realized how energetic Grandma is.
she made 4 trips to the wet market tis morning!
2 times to carry her fresh gooodies. 2 times to carry her new potted plants for CNY.
applause! she's really fit for her age. she maybe 48kg, short and frail-looking.
she does lotsa manual work alone. such as gardening, cleaning the house, marketing, washing the sofa covers etc. i feel so small, so useless. i shld really start pitching in my share of work =/
never under-estimate your old folk.
DS + CNYV
Dim Sum stands for the total Sum of the Dim-witted.
hahah. okay, i'm being sarcastic here.
Dim Sum stands for the Mandarin equivalent of Dian Xian.
meaning 'touching the heart with a finger'.
why is it so?
i don't know. either they made Dim Sum with lotsa sincere efforts to touch the customer's heart with it. or it literally translates into "eat a bit of wishes" (yi dian xin yi).
anyway, had Dim Sum brunch with Josh at Crystal Jade TM.
so angry with him really~
he didn't tell me he must go home early untill i was out.
he told his parents he was going to 85 market.
and he still had to rush home to buy lunch for his Dad... fish porridge from 85.
couldn't he just tell me that he can't go out and had to buy lunch for his Dad etc?
and not come all the way to Tampines and rush lunch?!?!?!?
what kinda time management is that?
i am so pissed!
Joshua! if next time u cannot come out or have to do something at home or what,
pls kindly let me know and not meet me that day.
i don't like it when i come out, meet u for less than an hr then goodbye. irritating.
shall not talk to u today.
meeting Don for dinner. escargots. yucks.
Don keeps cockroaches and snapping turtles as pets. told u he's weird right?
i'm broke! no money to club. this feeling sucks...
i missed Adidas Spring/Summer collection showcase at Zouk last nite. bloody hell!
i hate CNYV.
aka i hate Chinese New Year and Valentine's Day.
they're stupid, expensive and not fun.
CNY = no one to go out with, and no one's at home.
no need buy new clothes also. no relatives so no red packets.
reunion dinner? me, Grandma, Godfather, Godmother and their son. yep... 'reunion'.
and what's with all the red paper crackers, gold glittery decorative ornaments,
pussy willow flowers, assortment of nuts and cookies....?
have you ever wondered how 'Chinese' were these things? or are they just an invented tradition?
where did pineapple tarts come from? China doesn't have pineapples or Kueh Lapis.
Bak Kua? that thinly sliced sweet BBQ pork. again, it's not available in China!
they've never even heard of it also.
is it a case of invented traditions? traditional-ized commercial products?
or it's something unique to Malaya? well, i don't use the word "Singapore"
coz we used to be part of a larger scheme of things. it's only after 196X then we became S'pore.
i'm better off going on a vacation! but there's no available tickets outta S'pore.
V-day = day when stupid people spend lotsa $ on stupid things making others happy.
it should be renamed April's Fool.
call it bad memories. call it never been loved.
i've had 2 really painful Valentine's Day and so, that's it. i hate that stupid day.
pls don't come up to me and say, "Happy Valentine's Day" coz i'm gonna slap u hard.
it's NOT happy. i am not happy.
V-day is so commercialized!
when did chocolates, teddy bear and roses came to symbolize 'love'?
we also give chocolates during CNY, Christmas, or even as birthday present?
or is it a case where chocolates are a universal representation of "i can't find a present for you so this is the most convenient one?"
why do guys give one bouquet of roses? why not one stalk of rose to represent love, one stalk of lily to represent purity, one stalk of sunflower to represent warmth? more creative right?
what's so special about candlelight dinner at restaurant just on that very day?
if i changed the setting, to a candlelight dinner at the balcony at home,
with the neighbour downstairs singing Hokkien KTV and dinner's a steak bought from the Western food stall at the coffee shop downstairs, how romantic is it? does it still hold the same significance?
love isn't expressed annually. it's expressed daily.
i don't believe in love anyway. who are we to say that we're in love, or we love so-and-so?
no. none of us are fit to say "i love you". coz basically, men is selfish. we are motivated by self-interest. altruism? hardly a trait of human.
God loves. God is unselfish. God sent his only son to redeem his people.
that's why i celebrate Good Friday, Easter, and Christmas.
festival of Lent and Advent. these are festivals which matter to me.
therefore, i am not going to get any v-day present for anyone. joshua included.
i don't want anything too. i have God's love, we all do. i love God and my family. that's enough.
CNY? gonna go club on the first day since it's Wed nite. hopefully not too many malays or indians...
oh, i'm not going to Krabi already.
Mum said that there's a fear of epidermic outbreak there, the corpses have not been fully disposed of also. not a good time to holiday there. sigh.
TGIF
TGIF?
yah rite... i wish i could proclaim it in a more celebratory fashion.
i hate Fridays. i hv a 9am tutorial frollwed by ONE lecture at 2pm.
damn.
Friday heralds the arrival of the weekend.
think u guys shld know by now that i'm a Weekend Hater.
weekend = readings (and more readings), tutorials (and more tutorials)
when the weather is perfect for anything outdoors, it translates into:
Veen cannot go out coz she has work to do. period. F***.
i'm blessed if i even get to go chill out over coffee at Siglap.
much less a swim or a run in the park. F***.
i've got the freaking beach with white shorelines n cool blue pool in my head every Sunday.
i need a spa vacation to a beach resort! take me away from this urban heat island... *faint*
i wanna club! i can't take it anymore!
(okay, but my bank account's been expended beyond its regenerative abilities... )
can't have any poison anytime soon...!!! (i miss Acid Bar. their urban grooves are so sensual!)
Zouk Wed nite. the nite i come alive. the music, the crowd, the 'high' atmosphere.
self professed Mambo freak. sorry people! i've not yet grown out of my childhood =p
oh well, but thank God that my weekdays have been pretty smooth so far.
Michele! so sorry about today! about not being able to meet you. i am so sorry... hugs.
really too tired. woke up at 6 for 8am class. brain malfunctioning the entire afternoon =(
Josh, thanks for sending me to sch today. i really appreciate the extra effort u took in waking up early. i love you lots baby.
it's 01 10 hrs now. i had a very long nap. from 6-12 midnite. skipped dinner too.
off my phone so no one could bother me. such sweet sleep.
i feel so refreshed and energetic now! oh no! it's terrible!
i wanna be able to zzz for the next 7hrs!!!
hmmm... feel like having sex now. hahah *blush* it makes me happy and relaxed!
especially one that's vigorous and have lotsa variations in positions and styles. yay!
ohh... i realized how gross a couple Josh and i are.
other couples have lovey dovey mushy words eg. "i love you." "miss my darling so much!" etc.
when we express affection verbally, it's " doggie eat shit! so smelly!" or "doggie's retarded!"
or "kitty is a shitty cat" or "Kitty's an idiot!" (translated into Mandarin).
favourite word? apart from the big F, it's Mouse!
why Mouse!? errmm, coz i have nothing else to say to him or reply him.
aka "...whatever..." get my idea? hahah! so anyhow jus mutter something.
i alwiz want for what i cannot have.
therefore, i fantasize about my forbidden desire.
recent me
met Jared on Monday evening.
kana dragged along Orch to find his pair of Adidas shoes.
must be a Taekwando model, white leather and without shoe laces in front.
know something? s'pore doesn't carry such models. need to order from Korea or Germany...
after tt long walk, i was really exhausted. he's the only guy who can shop longer than i do.
we went for tea. caught up quite a bit. he looks better now, hair's grown a tad longer.
NS's getting to him. he's clubbing way too much for his own good.
he's tired of shopping for clothes. he's sick of his current rship. he changes girlfriend damn fast.
well, let him find his own directions. i'll just be here to listen and guide.
scold? maybe not. may the Holy Spirit guide him with light and love. Amen.
gonna be another 10 days before he books out for CNY break.
good luck boy! focus at firing range! we'll hop over to your church the next time!
i feel that i'm drifting from God lately.
i didn't lose my faith, just feeling distant from God.
haven't been praying much, or readng Christian books for inspiration.
haven't been feeling "in touch" with God and be filled with the Holy Spirit too.
maybe coz life lately's been really mundane, monotonous and predictable...
so there's no need for God to be around. okay, bad idea. i need God's love and grace everyday.
anyway, i am not saying that life's all sweet and blissful.
just that... everything's going well.
time management is working nicely. i'm stressed adequately to push myself forward.
i finally made time out to swim and sun tan at NUS pool.
i did my required readings and tutorials. i have time to bum at Orch after class even!
friends are nice. love life's pretty good as usual. nothing else more i'm asking for.
having said that much, i'm not growing spiritually. stunted growth.
how else can i be closer to God and glorify Him in my acts and deeds?
how else can i reach out to others and help them bring Christ into their lives?
i need to deepen my biblical understandings...
today's a bad day.
totally lousy. went to school without my goggles so i couldn't swim.
very annoyed. tutorials went well on the other hand so no complains about school.
didn't have much to eat so was rather irritable.
ended up having pork dumplings, beef noodles and chicken broth for dinner with Josh.
feeling very sinful now. i do not like to eat pork or beef or lamb or chicken.
i can't imagine eating meat. minced meat. animal fats.
MSG. growth hormones. antibiotics in meat. the pig was probably alive a week ago.
fish and other seafood is fine. but no, not shark's fins. that's inhumane.
veggie and fruits and nuts and grains are friendly.
went down to HMV. feeling very bored. and pissed. and angry at the world.
need some music to make me feel better.
i am turning into a world hater. rebellion and revolution is what propagates societal progress.
i love mother nature and planet Earth, but not people of the world.
i love money. without money, my world doesn't go round.
think Josh's bored following me around Orch, considering that i'm not talking much to him.
Desperate Housewives's really hilarious! animated cast, lively plot, corny lines.
pure entertainment! enjoying it lots.
Malcolm In The Middle, and Everyone Loves Raymond shld just be trashed.
give me my Sex In The City. liberation to the women!
CSI is really good too. last nite was abt Lady H., sexual fantasies, jealousy and obsession.
Grimmson wronged Lady H. blew his chances. catherine is so pushy. no wonder Eddie left her... thank God Stephanie is a sensible child.
sex, drugs, rock music. whoopee! you've got the holy trinity there.
weekend's here in a couple of days.
hopefully i'll get to hit the beach. NUS Surf n Sweat's held this Sunday.
no, no clubbing. freaking broke n tired. hell sing.
p i s s e d
such a boring day. so pissed.
it's me. i don't like to have nothing to do.
the weather's been perfect this weekend.
clear blue skies. soft cool breeze. light sunshine.
it's so lovely to be in the park, enjoying the sights and sounds.
or down at the beach, playing beach volley or jus sun tanning.
damn. no one to do stuff together with.
friends are either unavailable, or in hall or sleeping.
wtf.
Joshua was home studying.
Jared's phone was down so he couldn't recieve my calls.
so spent my pathetic day at home doing pathetic readings.
Benson was out with Pauline. bringing her for thai food.
Mol was at golden mile enjoying thai food with Jeff and his cousin.
urgh... i have NO life. NO LIFE absolutely what.
fuck. i wanna migrate.
australia. many nature parks. beaches. shorelines. af fresco cafes.
farms. vineyards. medieval churches.
get a house. get a car. get a garden. go spend my sundays with my dog and my gardening.
take a walk in the woods. read a novel by the river. watch the eagles fly.
that's what i wanna do.
went to church alone. was late. all coz of Grandma.
neh.... i don't wanna talk about her. bloody pissed.
met Josh after church. went to Serangoon Gardens for a drink.
met Edelweiss there too. had fries. no, no cute guys to ogle at.
alot of cute furry faithful pooches thou. i love them! adorable, well behaved Golden Retrievers.
okay... wasn't much of a fun thing to do =/
fuck. i hate CNY. damn. 2 weeks to go.
my parents ain't coming home.
i don't have a big extended family either.
no, i'm not going over to my cousins's house or my Uncle's house.
damn tiring. CNY? no warmth. no sense of reunion. no fun. waste time.
jus gonna spend my CNY watching movies alone while u guys enjoy visiting! hahah!
time to catch up with my long-neglected movies.
oh yes! can club too! since it falls on a Wed and Thurs =)
but no one's free... =(
suddenly i jus thought of Yu Ming. it's been 4 years since he's left Singapore.
but yah... all said and done, i think i am a very fortunate girl.
as i am typing this blog, i am watching a tv program on genetically disabled kids.
thou they have brittle bone disease, and other physical disabilities,
they have a stronger fighting spirit than any of us.
they cherish every living moment, bringing out the best of their potential,
helping others in need too.
so, why am i grumbling so much just coz i have nowhere to go, or no one to go out with?
Michele, the guy who msg u on frenster abt tutoring u in maths?
he's Wei Jian. no, he is not the China guy.
he's a sweet, nice, decent, fun loving Chinese guy.
he's majoring in maths. i've known him since jc1.
ermm... if ask me to evaluate between Wei Jian, Benson and Mitchell...
5 stars for Wei Jian! he's a nice shy sweet guy. humble. no huge ego. no flirtatious head.
those thoughtful and yet humurous guy. and no, he doesn't spew Chinese.
KrabiTCH
yay! going Southern Thailand this 18th Feb! 4 days 3 nights!
another trip to look forward to! beach resort! not a 5 star one thou...
i hope it's okay... i don't want bed mites biting me while i sleep!
$128 (less taxes). includes air fare, accomodation, airport transfers and breakfast.
quite a good deal right?
otherwise, top up another $90 and stay at a better one. hmmm... dilemma...
going with Josh, Dennis and Celilia.
since Krabi is 99km away from Mum's town, she's driving down to pick me up.
gonna visit Grandpa. it's some time since i last visited my folks.
yepz, i miss Thai mangoes, mangosteens and deep fried cat fish. so gonna feast!
the deep fried chicken chunks with steamy hot glutinous rice at the market is SO good!
seafood there is also very fresh! okay, i am NOT going to the Tsunami affected areas.
i miss sleeping beside Joshua! that's the most important one!
well... Joshua is this integrated part of my life now. i love him so much!
the first person i want to see when i wake up is Josh, the last person i want to see is Josh too.
thus, in between the day, can don't see him lah! otherwise i suffer from Joshua overdose again...
anyway, Michele! u have suitors now!
see? u lost 1 and gained 3! told u to go socialize and know more guys already =/
hahah, who said that u were lonely and unwanted?
Benson finds Mich attractive. he is interested in knowing her better.
Mitchell Ong finds her attractive though he never met her before.
but he's seen her picture on msn and wanna know her.
he thinks that he's Mr. Classy and a good guy, worthy of the best girls *yakkety yak*
Mich, it's up to ur discretion!
Mitchell is really tall, more than 180cm. but with a big ego too...
go to www.xanga.com/mitch_ong. he's got his picture up there. go guess which one =p
my China fren finds Mich pretty and wanna know her too.
but the off-side is, Mich can't speak Chinese effectively.
and the China guy doesn't speak English effectively too. therefore? communication breakdown!
i believe that, the longer i post Mich's photo up on msn, the more guys will ask about her.
wanna bet with me? time for celebrity showcase!
oh well... dress up babe! the guys are looking at you babe!
see? who says that you're an abandoned little Cheesecake?
thank God you don't attract sleazy lao ah-peks thou.
i meant the really old ones. your typical cab driver uncle.
Isaac the Himbo is so sweet!
last nite was his girlfriend's birthday party.
held at her Uncle's hse at Simei.
dear Himbo came all the way from Bukit Timah to help out at the party!
so sweet! wow! looks like he's fully integrated into her family.
for this type of rship, if nothing happens for the nex few yrs.... they're gonna get married!
damn! one less eligible bachelor around. i am so jealous!
hahah! that's Bimbo for u. she's easily envious and jealous.
but i am alwiz in control of my rational behavior and actions k?
it's nice to drool at what you don't have though =P
blunder
earlier in the day, Vance called. asked if i wanna go pet farm at Pasir Ris with him.
he wanted to check out the dogs. a puppy.
well... Huiling and i were thinking...
was Vance getting the puppy for himself or his credit-card company manager girlfriend or her daughter? scandalous! and why suddenly a dog? when Vance doesn't even stay at home...!
but seriously, i don't know whether they are still together or not.
coz the last time i heard was that they were still together during Christmas.
and it's been some time since i last chat with Benny so no news as yet abt Vance's rship.
hahah... once again, i broke my own record of being a walking disaster with a sotong head.
Liz sms me tt she'll be going Attica, asked me to let her know if i am going.
Liz sms Josh that Attica is cancelled.
Liz was confusing!
so i dressed up and all. thinking of a great party nite ahead at Attica.
and dear Josh didn't relay the message to me.
i was on my way out already, all pretty for the occasion.
when Josh asked me "so where are we going?"
then i realized that it's cancelled. and yes, i was already out. oh well... my heart sank!
Jared called when i was on mrt. he wanted to club but his friends were not keen.
i told him abt the blunder i made.
"why didn't you check with your friend before going out?"
argh! tt punk! i already felt bad enough and he still must rub it in!
Benson and his HK gf, Pauline's in town.
she's here for 4 days 3 nights. staying at his place.
Benson told me that he's feeling very happy.
i wonder he's happy from the sex he's getting or that seeing her makes him happy. hahah.
they're doing lotsa sight-seeing ever since she touched down.
he's bringing her to New Asia, Mt Faber etc etc. and of coz Da Paolo for Italian dinner.
Benson and Pauline were going down Chinatown KTV.
what an idea! *sarcastic smirk*
asked if we wanna join them.
hello!~ i mean like.... she came all the way from HK and u are taking her to visit KTV?
HK's KTV are far many and better than Sg's! such an ass....
be a friendly S'pore Ambassador. go promote Sg lah!
take her to Little India, or Golden Mile Complex or even Palau Ubin?!
show her some things tt she can't find in HK! *DUH*
i really think that STB should hire me...
KTV's not my kinda thing. it's not hip enough for Miss Tai-Tai.
Josh and i don't wanna play gooseberry anyway.
imagine Benson serenading Pauline with his cantonese love songs???
oh please! gimme a break from that mushy lovey dovey honeyed pot!
then again, i wonder if she's pretty / sexy / hot / nice / etc.
i'm really really very very curious to know how she looks like, and how she presents herself.
what type of girl can captivate Benson's attention and snag his heart?
call me nosey if you want. i am dead curious!
yes, i bitch ALOT. bitching is fun! i met Josh through bitching about others nway...
no, i do not bitch about my own friends. heehee.
so if you're bitch-ed by me.... well.... you get my point....?
i don't treat you as a friend! simple as that! come suck my toes!
alighted at PS with Josh.. ended up nibbling Vietnamese snacks. how lousy can a nite get?
can't decide where to go or even to club or not. hahah... such a hard decision right?
can't decide on Attica or Phuture. the truth is: i don't enjoy Phuture. too noisy. too loud. too packed.
met Edelweiss. she's cool. but not as chatty as Liz.
Jared was at Attica with his friends while i was still eating.
he didn't like the music, felt it was too boring. hahah.
he decided to go home. (ended up he went to his friend's house)
i went home with Joshua. so dampened!
i didn't wanna go home really. would have love to spent the nite with Josh,
sleep sweetly in his arms. so loved!
yepz, stil got Church on tmrw. and a few readings to complete.
should the weather be B-E-A-U-tiful, i'm very tempted to swear vulgarities at the sky coz i can't go out to beach. not coz i cannot, but coz there's freaking ZER0 human being to accompany me! maybe it's time to socialize with aliens...
Conclusion: it's a F***ing boring day! stayed at home reading stuff when i should have been at the beach beach-ing with balls and hunks. bloody fantastic weather it was. i'm bloody broke to my last cent so it doesn't help. the nite was so off. damn.
Menotti
had dinner with Liz and Josh at Taka's Crystal Jade Palace.
the full update is on Josh's blog. damn funny way he writes.
for those who need a good laugh or facial muscles exercise, take a read!
after dinner, Josh and i went to Menotti's at Raffles City Shopping Center.
had a really rich yet heavenly Torino. it's grounded cocoa with hazelnut.
very sensual. on the other hand, the dark chocolate tartlet was way too chocolatey. terrible.
too much of a good thing isn't good. but it's nice if u eat only small bit a day, like chocolate.
Josh has a sickeningly sweet Gelato. yucks. he didn't like it too.
conclusion: Menotti's only nice for its Italian Hot Chocolates.
the food like pasta, soups and salads were nothing fantastic. worth a skip.
the desserts looks really good but doesn't taste good. can skip too.
otherwise, share one piece of cake with 5 other pple so won't sugar overload.
the gelato desserts looks fantastic in their glasses, but the taste and texture
isn't there.
the coffee ain't fantastic. it's Victoria's Coffee aka Auzzie Coffee. sucks!
girls
what do girls want?
is being 'nice' enough to satisfy a girl?
does being 'nice' equates to being able to keep her by your side?
girls.
we make men cry. we make men happy.
we make men frustrated. we make men comforted.
girls. we make your world go round.
many guys are genuinely nice. many guys act nice. many guys are not nice.
but only one can keep you by their side.
he is the world to you. he's not perfect, but good enough to last the next 40years.
masculine. driven. giving. sensitive. just some of the qualities.
he can be a tongue in cheek person, but you know he means well.
guys with honeyed words are bastards.
what do girls really want?
can i?
the songs of the waves sings of a lonely heart.
the cresent moon resembles a curved dagger, which has been stabbed into her heart.
the scar it left reeks of disappointment and loneliness. a vacuum infinite.
a slender maiden dressed in black lace nightie.. walks barefooted along the shoreline.
she twirls her hazel-brown locks between her fingers as she forlornly thinks of her loved one.
dreamingly she stares at the vast dark ocean... atop the hill stands a lighthouse.
the strong beacons of light it emits, raids the sea with such intensity...
but what is it looking for?
it's like her... so cautious... wary of the shallow rocks that will cause her to sink.
yet searching for a love, an idenity, a meaning to her existence.
far she has travelled, many travellers she met.
much love and care she has received. but there's this void in her heart.
would all these encounters be considered a relationship? she guess not.
what is love? or are we as human obsessed with perfection?
behind the shadow of palm trees swaying in the breeze,
starks a mysterious sillhouette of an aged cathedral.
she smiles with known innocence... reminded of a childish prank..
somewhere within those rows of wooden benches, there's a carving of their names.
a carving that spelt sweet companionship. everything without the love or lust.
the velvet sky above is infinite. it touches the 2 ends of the horizon,
only to bring a new day to somewhere far away.
for those under the same pitch black darkness, does anyone realize they are sleeping under the same blanket of stars?
how far apart two may be, they still sleep under the same blanket of stars.
is he thinking of her?
as the warm sea water caresses her feet, she sings her lonely tune.
the tune sings of a sad melancholic memory... happiness is something locked in the yellowed pages of yester-years. nostalgic she is not. forgotten she isn't.
somewhere across the ocean where a new day dawns.
warmth radiates into his room, awakening him from his sleep.
the sky is an orange silk screen.
a man wakes up to his fragrant freshly brewed coffee.
the wonderful aroma of coffee evokes a childhood memory.
where is she now? what is she doing?
she is a dream chaser, who lives her life the way she wants.
she is a modern rebel, defying all social norms.
the last thing he heard was that she was in Buerno Aires,
set up a little chocolatier in a cobbled city sqaure.
he misses her voice. he misses her smile. he misses her scent.
he visualizes of her sugared-almond eyes.
does he have to courage to fly? to fly across that ocean to search for her?
or he is content with his current life? letting memories be sweet and wholesome like red wine.
he knows that he's alwiz here for her. she can count on him to walk beside her.
as he takes his car key out of its place, just about to leave for work.
he takes a small survival kit as well. old as it is, but good as new.
never know he'll you will need it in bad situations, but he knows that it is like her existence,
intended to bring stable security and reliance in an otherwise chaotic world of fire.
but contradictory isn't it?
he assumes that she knows that he is here for her.
yet he doesn't take the initative to search for her, to let her know that he needs her badly.
or maybe he doesn't need her badly. she is just a comforting thought.
telling someone that you're there for them like parallel to farting air out of your ass.
it's intangible. no one will know. no one will care. coz in real terms, nothing's been done.
today was like yesterday.
she walks back into her house.
lights up her room with little tea candles.
she lies in her bed, relaxing to the songs of the waves.
she looked at the silver framed photo beside her bed.
she knew it was right to fly.
thurs!!!
finally the long-awaited weekend is coming soon! in a matter of days!
Jared is booking out for 5 days.... yay! i'm SO excited! (assuming that he meets me. hahah)
he's in camp last weekend coz of field camp. no wonder i couldn't reach him n he didn't called.
he had a wild boar breathing down his back when he was shitting in the forest. hahah!
lotsa fun stories i'm gonna hear! wild boar encounters. navigation. sucky food rations.
prob we're going church together. muz motivate each other!
no... no clubbing. tired. been clubbing too much lately.
a quiet dinner or movie will be nice!
school's started. trying to give myself ra-ra speech every morning when i brush my teeth.
it's only me who can cheer myself up. think good thoughts and one will be happy. i suppose.
lotsa readings to do. thank god it's all ending in another 2 semesters... oh well..~
but i'm gonna miss michele. she's once again in Boon Lay prison.
plus her violin classes n other activities. we can't hang out as much. darn.
nway, back to my books. need to speed up my reading and comprehension if i wanna go out this coming weekend... =)
draw
all of us have different moral values, different attitudes towards the world, different ways we treat our friends or acquaintances. we each play a different game in a different field.
definitely, we will treat those we like with care, love and genuine sincerity.
those who're out of our good books, often were treated with disdain, dislike or unlterior motives.
that's the harsh reality of this world.
eat or be eaten. play it or get played.
it's only in our inner most world, encrysted with fragile love that's treated with genuine love.
otherwise, we do wear a false mask to hide our intentions and emotions.
there's never a right or wrong in thise sense.
we each have our own moral values and principles. our own ambitions and drives.
severity and importance we place on each value is never the same.
the extent of the repercussions differ from individuals to individuals too.
some of us are realists, some of us are idealists.
when 2 people get together. there's no perfect match or perfect relationship.
but the trick is to seek perfection out of what is imperfect. sounds profound? i think not.
there'll be a never ending list of what we are unhappy with about our loved ones.
they range from moral values, attitudes towards others, behavior, daily life habits etc etc...
thus, the word here is Compromise.
many qualities can be ignored with grace, many qualities can be corrected, many qualities should be appreciated. every judgement we pass on others is an actual reflection on ourselves.
i don't know what's with Joshua lately.
he's been picking on me for the slightest reason. being all stern and harsh on me.
he felt that i should behave more like someone's who's attached, and make known that i'm attached. i should mellow down in my ways. i should not assume that Benny knows that i'm still attached to him. i should not befriend people with an objective in mind etc etc.
he is starting to remind me of Edmund. the insatiable dissatisfaction with me.
they alwiz have something to say, something unhappy about etc.
look, even my parents don't do that. so shut the fuck up!
if it's so hard to live with me. then don't. i don't give a damn about obliging myself or changing myself for that matter just to suit someone else's whims and fancies. get a life!
i'm happy as a was when i was single. so don't make me change my mind about a relationship.
yes, i am stubborn and wilful. i don't heed advices. i do whatever pleases me.
that's me. i have the guts to do what i want, and bear its consequences.
people who keep blaming others, pick on others or get picked on for no logical reasons lack the survival instinct of fighting back, or chasing an desire to achieve something.
love is not just love. love is not just a feeling or attachment towards someone.
it comprises of living. living with that person, for the good or the bad.
we can lose feelings and attractions for the person due to unhappiness stemming from daily living.
and all these while, i thought that the fundamentals of a relationship is built on making the other person happy and being happy ourselves?
old is me
okay. this is an affirmation.
I AM GETTING OLD. OLD. yes, u heard me right.
went drinking last nite on an empty stomach.
damn. 1st time i puked on alcohol in my life.
damn disgusting. got so drunk even before the nite started.
flopped into my bed at 00 30 hrs when everyone else was having fun. wtf.
now i learnt 2 things.
1. i must not drink on an empty stomach.
2. i am getting old so i should mellow down.
woke up at 4.30am to realize that i didn't bathe or even remove my make-up.
but i was feeling a whole lot better after puking everything out earlier on.
went of to clease my face. i am bloody afraid of acne! thank God for Lancome cleanser!
rolled back to sleep. albeit fucking hungry.
i had only 3 small pork dumplings for dinner. best...
right now was i type this blog 12hrs later...
and had 2 small meals. my stomach still hurts badly.
it hurts when i don't eat. it hurts when i eat.
it seems like... my stomach is torn into shreds... it really hurts.
thank God i'm not suffering from hang-overs.
from such symptoms, i can deduce that it's gastric.
back with a vengence. all from last nite's skipping dinner and heavy drinking.
hard alcohol on an empty stomach means gastric attack.
but i really don't want to see a doctor.
coz it'll be the 3rd time i'm seeing a doctor in 2 days...
gastric medicine taste really bad. it smells bad, and taste bad. i hate it!
the dilemma now dwells between suffering gastric pains or taking yucky medicine.
i'm tempted to choose none.
then again, i need to see a doctor for thrush... the itch is killing me...
thankfully Josh was with me last nite.
darling, thanks for everything. i won't make it home without you.
sorry for spoiling your nite. i love you.
old r' us!
earlier yesterday evening, i threw temper at my Grandma.
she's so anal! can u believe it?!
i was about to go for dinner with Josh and his old pal, Liz.
Josh asked me to bring a bottle of wine since it's chilled in the fridge for eons.
Grandma saw me taking that bottle out and she immediately reacted like a hydrogen bomb!
.
her reasoning was this:
alcohol was only to be consumed at home.
anyone who goes out with a full bottle of wine/anything alcoholic is of bad character.
i'll come back drunk after finishing up the whole bottle of wine.
girls are not supposed to drink.
what the fuck is this illogical reasoning?
if alcohol is only to be consumed at home, then all the restaurants and pubs can close down.
and my Dad often go out for dinner with a bottle of wine, so is he of bad character?
wine only has 15% of alcohol. and we have 3 people sharing a bottle. how to get drunk?
she's never met female wine sommeliers, has she not?
of course me being me, gave her a piece of my mind and yelled at her.
i am not an unreasonable person. i can accept ur reasons if they are convincing enough.
apparently, her illogical reasons only incurred my wrath.
gee... i don't have such problems with my parents.
i wonder whether it's generation gap, Grandma being too anal-conservative or i'm just a rebel...
met Liz for the first time after hearing so much for so long about her.
i'm impressed! she carries herself well.
she's has a great personality, really vivacious yet feminine.
she's quite pretty and 'hot'.
she's logical and non-bimbotic in her expressions. nice!
Josh and i thought that, if we intro-ed Liz to Benson.
and somehow they ended up together... they'll have beautiful kids!
they're children would have nice figure and long legs!
Liz is tall, slim and has long sexy legs.
Benson has a really well defined masculine figure.
Liz is pretty with small doe eyes.
Benson is good looking with chiselled features.
this genetic combination can't go wrong.
and they're all athletes! Liz is a runner and Ben's a swimmer.
this means that their kids will be healthy.
hey, i believe in eugenics.
pretty + handsome = beautiful children.
smart + smart = smart kids ( hence nurturing will be rather smooth since they're intelligent by birth)
rich + rich = richer (since the wealth of 2 families combine)
we had Italian dinner at Da Paolo's as usual.
a dinner there can't go wrong. they don't have weird foods unlike Spizza...
and service is really personal.
Liz likes sparkling distileld water! i like distilled water! ways of a Taitai!
and she likes to dip her bits of bread in olive oil mixed with balsamico.
heh... the tell-tale of signs of a gourmet diner. she likes grilled vege and fresh mozzorella too!
Liz had grilled lamb, Josh had fried calamari and beef steak.
i had mixed green salad and grilled vege.
now everyone thinks that i'm vegetarian.
the truth is, i like vegetables! and fruits! and seafood!
meat and poultry is too heavy for my taste palates.
beef is fine occasionally. pork doesn't thrill me. i don't take lamb.
vegetables like eggplants, zucchini and tomatoes are friendly!
we had wine to accompany out food. wrapped the nite up with a Tiramisu. wonderful!
we then went to Zouk after sending Liz home to change and bathe.
the crowd there were very young, and 'off'. all so beng and lian!
the guys were not good looking... the girls were not impressive.
they don't even know how to dress up!
i must say that the standard at Zouk has declined.
gone to other clubs are the beautiful people... what's left were those ought to be unseen.
Mambo's music has kinda became boring for me. no more excitment.
know what they will play. know the hand movements. bah...
the central podium was filled with not-good-looking, i-cannot-do-Mambo people.
there's this female with flabby arms and shaking like a soft drink can... how obscene!
quite a few fat guys taking up space there too. thinking they're so cool... wth...
the male podium was filled with... gays. (what's new?) ermm... they are handsome but... u get it.
Josh saw 2 males, an ang-mo and a chinese locking lips. Josh wanted to puke right there...
the female podium was filled with... hot babes. or are they transvestites?
i have a hard time telling who's a genuine all-naturel female and who's the he/she/it.
the wonders of cosmetic surgery and sex-change operations...
then there's many ang-mo couples hugging and dancing on the dancefloor.
and they're 40 yrs old and above... i can see the wrinkles on the women's face despite the dim lighting... and the husbands are bald-headed!
the dancefloor was packed with all sorts of weirdo... what a disappointment.
i wasn't even picked up! am i really getting old? 2 yrs back, i could easily have 4 guys a nite...!
the good looking guys there were either attached or dancing with a female partner,
or are gays, or too young/beng.
the majority were bengs who are fat/ugly/unwanted, sleazy ang-mos or ah-peks or NS guys. golly...
probably Liz is right. we go there to feel young again.
went to Phuture to check out the music.
the music was so damn loud coz the area's small. it's packed to the brim.
and there's lotsa Indian! and Beng-wannabes!
reminds me of Vik and the grope-my-ass incident... such a spoiler.
Josh didn't really enjoy himself either. Mambo's not his type of music.
he loves progressive drums-&-bass, and R&B. that's my boy.
but i'm not going to go Phuture with him coz the music's too loud for me to handle.
and it's alwiz crowded and we don't even have space to dance.
but finally, it's the one time we went out clubbing without any arguments or unhappiness.
i'm so glad! probably we went with the right crowd.
but Josh doesn't know how to dance, he stood there and shaked and smoked.
i was left alone to my own devices. how boring!
and since he was around, i couldn't possibly abandoned him and go flirt with a guy to dance with.
maybe i'm really getting old... i'm damn conscious about the fact that i'm attached.
and i won't happily disappear to dance with other guys or even keep a lookout for one. sigh.
i guess i'll still stick to Velvet Underground for awhile. and seek new places.
Attica, anyone? time to move on.
